Pretty Little Liars Song Parodies

You Don't Know That Bitch Can See:

(One Direction's You Don't Know You're Beautiful)

You hold open the door, don't know what for. It's not like Jenna's blind anymore. Don't need a cane to walk, can hear when you talk. She sees everything you do.

I know that you really can't tell it. But please trust me. Liars, Jenna can see the world just like she used to. The way she hides behind her sunglasses is something else. But when she smiles it's because she's got you fooled. You don't know. Oh oh. You don't know that Bitch can see. If only you knew that she could see. You'd understand why I'm acting so desparately. Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe. You don't know. Oh oh. You don't know that Bitch can see. Oh oh. That Bitch can actually see.

So c-come on. No need to whine. To prove I'm right I'll put up a sign. Don't buy her lie, the operation turned out fine, she can see everything with her eye eye eyes.

I know that you really can't tell it. But please trust me. Liars, Jenna can see the world just like she used to. The way she hides behind her sunglasses is something else. But when she smiles it's because she's got you fooled. You don't know. Oh oh. You don't know that Bitch can see. If only you knew that she could see. You'd understand why I'm acting so desparately. Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe. You don't know. Oh oh. You don't know that Bitch can see. Oh oh. That Bitch can actually see.

Na na na na na na na na na na. Na na na na na na. Na na na na na na na na na na. Na na na na na na.

Lairs, Jenna can see the world just like she used to. The way she hides behind her sunglasses is something else. But when she smiles it's because she's got you fooled. You don't know. Oh oh. You don't know that Bitch can see.

Liars, Jenna can see the world just like she used to. The way she hides behind her sunglasses is something else. But when she smiles it's because she's got you fooled. You don't know. Oh oh. You don't know that Bitch can see.

Oh, If only you knew that she could see. You'd understand why I'm acting so desparately. Desparately. Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe. You don't know. Oh oh. You don't know that Bitch can see. Oh oh. You don't know that Bitch can see. Oh oh. That Bitch can actually see.

A Team:

(Ed Sheeran's A Team)

Black hoodie, Jungle Red lipstick. Breathing in shadows. Burnt lungs, sour taste. Night's gone, day's end. Struggling to hold onto that friendship. Long nights, strange lair.

And they say she's in the A Team. Stuck in her daydream. Been this way since 16. Slowly sinking, wasting. Crumbling like pastries. And they scream The worst things in life come free to us. Cos we're just under the upper hand. Go mad for a couple minutes attention. And she wants to go outside tonight. And in a secret she flies to the Motherland. Or brings hate to another friend. It's too cold inside. For texts to fly. Texts to fly.

Black gloves, and hoodie. Tried to swim, stay afloat. Sneak into a house, snoop around. Steals secrets, uncover lies. Weary-eyed, dry throat. Call Hanna, no phone.

And they say she's in the A Team. Stuck in her daydream. Been this way since 16. Slowly sinking, wasting. Crumbling like pastries. And they scream The worst things in life come free to us. Cos we're just under the upper hand. Go mad for a couple minutes attention. And she wants to go outside tonight. And in a secret she flies to the Motherland. Or brings hate to another friend. It's too cold inside. For texts to fly. Texts to fly.

Covered in black, closed eyes. And hoping for a better life This time, we'll fade out tonight. Straight down the line.

And they say she's in the A Team. Stuck in her daydream. Been this way since 16. Slowly sinking, wasting. Crumbling like pastries. And they scream The worst things in life come free to us. Cos we're just under the upper hand. Go mad for a couple minutes attention. And she wants to go outside tonight. And in a secret she flies to the Motherland. Or brings hate to another friend. It's too cold inside. For texts to fly. Texts to fly. To fly, fly. Texts to fly, To fly, to fly. For the revived friendships to die.

bible Does Not Forbid Gay Marriage

Leviticus 18:22 says Thou shalt not lie with a male as one does with a woman. It's an abomination. What it doesn't say it is not for two men to have sex. That's not god's word. That's MAN's interpretation. Lie can mean not to bear false witness. If sitcoms are any measure, men always lie to women. But hey, don't lie to other men (politicians, I'm looking at you.) Lie can mean as in a prone position. So, two dudes can't sleep in the same bed. But sex is still on the table. Literally. Just don't be horizontal, all missionary style. lesbians are fine,a s long as they don't lie with men like they lie with each other. See? None of Leviticus 18:22 says no to gay marriage. One could argue against sex in the marriage, but only for two guys (Lesbians are cool). But as long as it's behind closed doors, you don't know it's happening. So, it's not affecting you (god can complain all he wants to). Not your call to make. What is your call is how to misunderstand god's word. And your views can be quite wrong, and a lie (nontruth).

Future Scam

Received this today, Feb 22, 2012 at 4:30PM:

Dear Customer,

Your order has been successfully canceled. For your reference, here's a summary of your order:

You just canceled order 122-669-625 placed on February 23, 2012.

Status: CANCELED

_____________________________________________________________________

1 "Empress"; 2004, Special Edition
By: Una Campbel

Sold by: Amazon.com LLC

_____________________________________________________________________

Thank you for visiting Amazon.com!

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Amazon.com
Earth's Biggest Selection
http://www.amazon.com

As you can see, it time traveled back in time to today.

Scammers Are Hilarious

Remember, these hit-man e-mails are scams. My funny comments are in()'s

YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED

(Yes. It's called a calendar.)

As I sit here sipping a martini it is my regretful duty to inform you that you have been selected for assassination.

(Great, a drunken killer.)


I am a professional assassin (I enclose my certificate of assassination as proof)

(OK, now assassins get certified? Seems that would make it easier to track them down. Perhaps he graduated Magnum cum laude?)

and SMERSH

(Huh? Am I being threatned by Pinky from Pink & The Brain now?)

have contracted me to assassinate you and have specifically paid extra for a particularly nasty death

(I'm honored)

which makes it look like you died in a particularly bizarre sex game gone wrong;

(LOL. You're killing me with abusrdity. OK, would a bizzare sex game gone wrong actually be considered nasty?)

I had already bought the shire horse stallion (he's called Henry - picture attached), the lard and the
dragon dildo

(So, death by Hobbit?)

[from Bad Dragon of course, I only use the very best tools]

(Of course. Chintzy assassins are so 2002. And really, this is a sex game?)

when I found out that you are innocent of the accuse, so I make out this time

(Um, I don't swing that way, dude)

to contact you. Unfortunately international crime syndicates

(Seriously? I'm being "targetted" by an international crime syndicate? Plausability not your thing, eh?)

won't admit to mistakes and cancel the hit so I will be forced to carry out the assassination on you. Sorry about that old chap but rules are rules.

(Apparently we're English, old bean.)

There is an option for me to help you

(So, the rules allow for this then?)

in other for you to know who had paid SMERSH

(Oh, that's their acronym. I don't get COBRA, SPECTOR, or FOWL, I get SMERSH. Is their leader Professor Inferiority? Let me guess. SMERSH - Stupid Moronic Exhasberating Retarded Stupid Heads? Yes, using retarded is wrong.)

for your DEATH

(Wait. Somebody paid SMERSH to hire you to kill me? Complicated, no? And Death needs emphasing?)

and don't forget my men had been monitoring you for the past few days

(D'OH! I did forget.)

and daily record of your activities is been sent to me but I have refuse to order your DEATH.

(So, what exactly are these rules, anyway? You have to carry out the kill, yet you won't.)



Get back to me if you value your LIFE with all due speed

(Actually, I value it quite slowly. Lasts longer that way.)

or else I regret I will have to carry out my original contract to assassinate you

(Which you previosuly said you have to do anyway, making this all quite useless.)

and although he is quite charming for a horse I don't think Henry is the most sensitive of lovers.

(Experience much?)


Toodle Pip!

(It's toodles, idiot.)

Dai Teatime

International Assassin

(Yes, all killers clearly label their e-mail corresponences as such.)

Keep On Dreaming

A song I wrote as a theme song. No music, only lyrics:
Keep your head in the clouds, reach for your star, no matter who you are.
Dream it real big, ignore your doubts, pay them no heed, and you will succeed.
Keep on dreaming. Keep on achieving. If you dream it you will achieve it. Just don't be afraid to try.
Make a plan, follow through, you'll know what to do.
Get some help where you can, teamwork fulfills your plan, just go for it.
Keep on dreaming. Keep on achieving. If you dream it you will achieve it. Just don't be afraid to try.
So what if you fail, no need to wail. Change it up and try again. You can achieve your plan.
You have to work hard, yes you do, but then you'll see when your through, your dreams will come true.
Keep on dreaming. Keep on achieving. If you dream it you will achieve it. Just don't be afraid to try.
If you try you will fly, oh so high, there's no boundaries in the sky.
Push all doubt from your mind, you won't fall behind. Just believe and you will achieve.
Keep on dreaming. Keep on achieving. If you dream it you will achieve it. Just don't be afraid to try.

Problems With Giving Up Meat

Think giving up meat to be a vegetarian or vegan is a good idea? Think again. Besides the fact eating plants is also killing life, let's look at things logically. Say everybody stops eating meat. What happens to those meaty animals? People raise cows and chickens for both food and milk and eggs. Pigs are raised only for food. yes, there's the occasional pet, but not enough. Now, what do you suppose farmers will do with all these excess animals? Sure, they'll use more cows and chickens for milk and eggs. Lower them prices big time. But there'll still be way more cows and chickens than needed. Pigs have no other use. Maybe a few hundred more will be pets. Maybe. Caring for these animals cost money. Food, water, shelter, veterinarian bills. Do you think farmers will spend all that money with no chance of a return on investment? Nope. They'll kill the excess animals. Giving up meat kills more animals, and renders pigs all but extinct. If not extinct, because few pet owners will turn to breeding pigs.

Now, for you god lovers out there, remember he made us omnivorous. That means it's blasphemy not to eat meat as intended. You're literally telling god he was wrong to make us eat meat, to want us to eat meat. How do you think he'll take that?

Another Sign Of The End Times

A lake in Texas turned blood rd. Sure, it's caused by bacteria, but can it be another sign?

Yes. People just made a mistake in assuming all signs would be big miracles performed by god. But, did he specifically say the sings would be clear miracles? Or did he just say what to watch out for?

Yes, we have more earthquakes. Not because god is magically shaking the Earth. No, it's because for the first time ever, humans live in very earthquake prone areas. Lots of them. Which is why we see more incidents. Yet, it's still as we were warned. Still more earthquakes. The why is unimportant.

We've seen several false prophets (starting with that Waco Loser, David Koresh). Most just aren't the Hey, I'm the prophet (Tee Hee Hee, no I'm not) type. Most are babies born with deformaties, that other people say are gods among men, come to warn us of bad time,s and to usher in the good. Well, that's prophesizing right there. But they're not god born as man. They are deformed babies. Still, they are now false prophets. Not because they claim it, but because people claim them to be. Still, a false prophet is a false prophet. No matter who defines them as such. Just like we were warned.

So, yeah, all the sings are there. A distinct pattern has emerged. Just not the way people thought it would: Big miracles magically affecting us. There might be a scientific explanation, but when did god ever say science need not apply? Still, signs are signs, no matter if caused by divine intervention or man's choice/actions/nature just happening.