The 1950s Home

(My funny comments in ()'s.)

A lot has changed in 50 years...

The following is from a 1950s Home Economics textbook intended for High School girls: "How to prepare for married life."

(AKA how to be a slave).

1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

(Actually, this is a good idea. Planning ahead does allow time to get all the necessary ingredients, and gives your family something to look forward to each day.)

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

(Be a lot gay. Men love women on women action. So grab your bestie or identical twin sister and have at her. Trust me, his day won't be the only thing lifting. If he's lucky, your man might even get to join in.)

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.

(Yes, men love neat and organized main house parts. Not those extra parts, leave them filthy and disorderly.)

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

(Like a dog at a dog show.)

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

(Don't kiss him. Actually, leave the appliances running, so we know you actually did do work that day.)

6. Some DON'TS: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

(His boss bitching that he was late with the Smith report, for instance.)

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

(OK, seriously? He can't take his own shoes off? It can be done with one foot apiece. Why not wipe his butt while your at it?)

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

(HA! Like a man can ever get a word in edgewise.)

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax.

(And his need to be a lazy cheapskate.)

10. The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

(Unlike you, who has no time to relax at all. And guys wonder why women always seem to have "headaches".)